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Despite best efforts, decorations are up

For several years now, I have not hung up Christmas lights around my house despite my wife’s not-so-subtle hints.
There are several reasons.
First, I don’t want to.
Second, I’m not interested in going out in the cold and freezing my hands.
Third, I can’t seem to ever untangle the snarled Christmas lights with any degree of skill.
Fourth, I’m not in the mood. Umm, is that the same as I don’t want to?
Regardless, my house’s exterior has remained dark during the holidays in recent years. I figured the lighted Christmas tree in the front room window was sufficient.
But last holiday season, my wife spotted an outdoor lighted Santa Claus at her sister’s home in Iowa. She wanted one, so she bought two on the trip home last year.
I stored them in the upstairs attic in hopes she forgot about them. She had not.
So I procrastinated as long as I could, but finally had to put them out this week.
She assembled the first one; I did the second. She was done in half the time because she read the instructions first.
Hey, there’s reason No. 5 why I don’t do Christmas decorations … some assembly required!
My skills in assembling anything are pretty pathetic. This was no exception. There were only eight steps, but I managed to get them all mixed up and mostly backwards. If I ever want to go back into the workforce, I could go as a dyslexic assembler of things.
My son got a big kick out of the lighted snowman project. In fact, he laughed so hard, he nearly blew bubbles out his nose. Now, that’s a talent!
The snowman also was loaded with glitter, half of which ended up on the floor, in my beard and in places it never should have been.
It was a mess. But after several starts and stops (and a bit of profanity), I managed to get the dang thing assembled, or assembled as best I could. Then I had to get it outside and anchored to the ground. The kit supplied two anchors per snowman that amounted to flimsy hooks that could not hold a tissue in a slight breeze. Might as well have given me Scotch tape.
No sooner had I placed the first snowman outside, I began chasing it around the yard. Finally I opted to tie them to the railing on our front step, and at last glance, both snowmen were still there.
The other issue was finding an adapter for the ancient outside light socket. I think the one out there was installed when Eisenhower was president, and the two-pronged gadget was not compatible with the three-prongs of the new extension cords. But the adapters I purchased would not fit into the old three-way socket either.
So, back to the hardware store I went to get a modern three-way outdoor socket.
Not sure what else can go wrong, but I’m sure something will show up in the next day or two.
If the snowmen survive until Christmas, I will consider the project a success. If not, I might not be asked to do it again next year.
Hey, now that sounds like a plan!
Rich Glennie was the editor of The Chronicle for 23 years. He retired Aug. 1, 2014, but still plans to submit an occasional column.