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A few tongue-in-cheek ideas for Glencoe tourism

To the Editor:
I read in The Chronicle last weekthat the Glencoe Tourism Committee had a brainstorming meeting. I wasn’t aware we had a tourism committee. I wasn’t aware we had tourism? I have a few ideas.
“Glencoe, it’s not happening here.” That may be a good slogan for our town, because there is no sense lying to ourselves, Glencoe has little to offer a tourist. That may sound negative, but bear with me, I plan to turn that around in this letter.
Our town is surrounded by flat, privately held, mono-culture farmland. Our only natural water feature is basically a main drainage ditch that is fed by man-made drainage ditches and farmland runoff. Not much tourism to promote there.
Much like every other city the size of Glencoe, we have a little bit of retail stores, some antique/thrift shops, a few restaurants, and a small amount of overnight accommodations. Again, not much tourism to promote there, but having them is better than not, if we do get some tourism.
Other than Glencoe Days and Heat in the Street, Glencoe is quiet in the evenings and on the weekends, and especially quiet on holiday weekends, as most residents with means leave town for holidays and weekends.
The “Quiet.” That is one thing we have to offer tourists. Well, that and no other tourists or long lines.
With all that said, I think we need to think outside the box. Maybe a promotion that uses reverse psychology. Here are some potential slogans:
“Don't come to Glencoe; it’s so quiet, even its residents leave on the weekends.”
That one is kind of long for a slogan; how about these?
“Glencoe, Shhh! It’s a secret.”
“Glencoe: you probably never heard of us.”
“Glencoe: No waiting, please seat yourself.”
“Glencoe: it’s not happening here.”
So, what we have to offer a tourist is quiet weekends and lack of other tourists. I guess the only drawback is, if we successfully sell this, then we potentially destroy it.
Jon Baldwin